God Has Been Good

Somehow, it sneaks up on me every year. I can’t explain how it happens. Whenever my Bible reading turns to the book of Isaiah, each year I should be prepared. Yet, somehow, as I work through my Bible reading guide, I tend to focus only on the task at hand and not look ahead to what is coming. Then, one morning, my daily reading takes me to Isaiah 42 and I am taken back to a dark night in October of 1998.

On a night that was dark and cold when the world seemed to be caving in around me, God took me to Isaiah 42. I was a 17 year old senior in high school without theological training. When, through blood-shot eyes, I read of God’s servant who would bring justice, I didn’t realize at the time that it was a prophecy about Jesus. That night, the only thing I knew was that God was speaking to me.

That night, 22 years ago, God used a prophecy of Jesus to call me into his service. On that night in my bedroom at my parents’ home, God spoke. He didn’t speak audibly. He didn’t have to. God spoke through his word. There was no doubt. If Jesus had appeared in physical form and pointed his finger at me, it couldn’t have been more clear to me than it was that October night. I had a job to do. God had called and commissioned me.

I said no.

It was that simple. I was angry. I was hurting. I was grieving. A friend had died. I was not interested in serving the God who allowed my friend to die. I would continue to be a Christian–I couldn’t’ get around that–but I would not be a pastor.

As is always the case, anger slowly faded, but my no remained as strong. After a few months, I continued to tell God no, not out of anger, but out of fear. I couldn’t live up to the task. I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t strong enough. The call would crush me.

And yet, the call lingered. When God calls, the ignore button just doesn’t seem to work.

As the months wore on, I was increasingly weighed down by the burden of God’s call on my life and my unwillingness to obey–to surrender. For nearly a year, I ran from God’s call. For nearly a year, I said no. But, for nearly a year, God pursued. God wasn’t done. God had a plan.

It is fitting that Isaiah 42 sneaks up on me every year and surprises me with memories and encouragement, because God surprised me when I finally surrendered. As it turns out, the book of Isaiah doesn’t end with chapter 42. But I didn’t keep reading.

God had more in store for me than a call to ministry.

God had a promise.

After nearly a year of running, God put a friend in my life who would help me to continue reading. God called me to ministry and then gave me a friend to show me his promise. In August of 1999, I read Isaiah 43:

But now thus says the Lord,

he who created you, O Jacob,

    he who formed you, O Israel:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

    I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

    and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,

    and the flame shall not consume you.

For I am the Lord your God,

    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Isaiah 43:1-2

Isaiah 42 sneaks up on me every year, but Isaiah 43 seems to stick to me. God’s promises are close and comfortable and it is his promise that enables me–and you–to fulfill his call.

Twenty-two years ago, God called me to ministry, but he didn’t call me to serve him alone. Instead, he came along side me and promised to walk with me, to hold me, to strengthen me. He never promised that there wouldn’t be hard days, he only promised me that the waves wouldn’t wash me away and the fire wouldn’t consume me.

Twenty-two years ago, I said no. But, God didn’t walk away. And God hasn’t left yet. He has been good, and I am forever grateful that God is more loving, gracious, kind, and generous than I understood on that cold, dark night in October of 1998.

Photo by Tim Mossholderon Unsplash

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