We Don’t Do Silly

I don’t do silly.

In our home, we don’t do silly, but we do funny and we love to laugh. Some people will read this as me being a mean and oppressive parent who does not allow fun in our home. I can assure you that is not the case. Our home is filled with wrestling, legos, dolls, nerf wars, video games, board games, books, balls, bats, bikes and even skateboards (but I keep trying to convince my son that we are not a skateboarding family)

To be clear, I do not view silly as a synonym for fun and neither does Roget’s Thesaurus. The dictionary definition of silly is: “having or showing a lack of thought, understanding, or good judgment: foolish or stupid: not practical or sensible: not serious, meaningful or important.” So, maybe it would be better to say that we do not do foolish.

We are serious in our home about family, about love, about each other, and about God's word. Click To Tweet

Because we are serious in our pursuit of Christ and one another, we create no space for silliness. We want to be as sure as we can that our children do not act or begin to believe that it is ever OK to show a lack of common-sense or discernment.

Acting silly is nearly always self-seeking.

When my children act silly, they do so because they want attention from us as parents or from their siblings. Rather than act out for attention, we want our kids to be honest. You do not have to act silly (or disrespectful or mean or whatever) to get attention, in fact that will not get you attention. Instead, we teach our kids to tell us when they need or want attention. After all, we do not want our kids to believe that they can act a certain way to receive attention from our Heavenly Father or from others around them. Instead we want them to approach God with honesty and humility asking for his presence and comfort.

So, we do not do silly. We are serious. But, seriousness does not mean a lack of fun. We are serious about having fun too. In fact, I doubt there are many families who have more fun than we do, but that is because we make fun an integral part of who we are and what we do. We tell jokes. Real jokes, not silly made up stuff that creates eye rolls at the dinner table. There are joke books and joke websites and occasionally an effort at a joke that someone has created. We aim tell jokes that result in deep belly laughs (sometimes our best laughter comes from the inability of a family member to tell a joke properly). We laugh.

I do not want my kids to giggle or smirk, I want them to laugh. Laugh so hard that their ribs hurt and tears stream down their cheeks and milk comes out of their nose. That kind of laughter looks a lot more like the joy that the Bible speaks of than cheap giggles and fake mirth. Deep heart-felt laughter comes from kids who are comfortable in their own skin. Good laughs come from people who feel secure and safe.

When we treasure silliness, we lose sadness.

Ecclesiastes teaches that there is a time to laugh and a time to cry (Ecclesiastes 3:4). Romans urges us to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15). When we encourage silliness in our children (or our home or our church) we may very well get lots of cheap laughs, but we do not lots of deep belly laughs and we certainly lose the requirement and privilege of crying during hard times and weeping with those whom we love. When we treasure silliness we lose sadness, and sadness is often better than laughter. Ecclesiastes 7:3 reminds us, “Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.”

A culture of silliness suggests that seriousness does not matter. A culture of silliness gives a way out of difficult situations or hard parts of life with cheap giggles, but a culture of seriousness creates young adults who understand that life is more than a game. There is a time to laugh and a time to cry. As parents, it is our responsibility to teach our children about the proper time for every matter under the sun.

1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3 a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.