I am grateful for Tim Challies. In the past decade, I have found his writing and especially his “a-la-carte” posts to be a near daily reading exercise. His book on discernment is one of my favorites and is one that I have used to teach discernment here at Malvern Hill.
Today he wrote a great little post titled, Young People and the Hundred Pushup Challenge of Life. I would encourage you to go read it. He points out how easy it can be for us as adults to blow off the stress and struggle of teenagers and young adults as little more than whining. I’ve noticed this before, and have tried to explain that teenagers are forced to deal with their stress without the coping mechanisms of an adult. Challies explained it better than me by comparing it to the 100 pushup challenge.
For a person in decent physical condition, 100 pushups is doable. However, for someone who has never done pushups, doing 10 pushups can be an incredible challenge. The body-builder may scoff at the struggle of 10 pushups, but the struggle is real for an out of shape person.
Likewise, even though the stress and struggle of the teen years may seem small and inconsequential for a person with a job, a mortgage, 3 kids, and a wife a home we shouldn’t minimize their struggle. The struggle is as real for them as it is for the out of shape person who struggles to strain out 10 pushups.
But, I do think that the illustration here should be taken a bit further. Just as we shouldn’t compare a 15 year old with a 30 year old and expect the same response to stress and strain, we also shouldn’t be content with a 15 year old who doesn’t grow. The whole idea of a 100 pushup challenge is that a person can actually get better at doing pushups and get into better physical shape. Our hope must be that a 15 year old grows to become the kind of person who, 20 years later, is tempted to scoff at the stress of high school.
We shouldn’t minimize the stressors on teens and young adults, but we also shouldn’t be content to allow them to stop at 10 pushups. Their goal is not to manage term-papers, college admissions, and prom dates. Their goal has to be much more. They have to grow to a point that they can look back on those teen struggles as “light and momentary.” We have to be willing to be both empathetic and honest.
The teens and young adults into whom you invest need to know that high school and college are hard. But they also need to know that life is going to get more complex and challenging. We must encourage them to learn to cope with life today so that they can find success in life tomorrow. If 10 pushups are so hard and discouraging that you never try to do pushups again, you’ll never get to 100. But, if someone comes alongside you who can do 50 pushups and acknowledges your struggle and encourages you to try again tomorrow, you might just meet your goal.
Likewise, if we allow the teens we influence to wallow in the whining of the moment, and we never call them up to more, we may unwittingly enable them to get stuck at the emotional level of a fifteen year old for many years to come. It’s wrong of us to minimize the struggles of young people, but would also be wrong for us to not call them up to more. It will take time, but if we will acknowledge their struggle and urge them ahead, we can see teenagers and young adults grow and prosper.
